Things are now at the pointy end.
That’s an old theatrical term for being crammed into a shed with 60 other people for last-minute rehearsals and nothing to sit on but an old sofa with busted springs and a candelabra stage prop.
There are lots of weird theatrical terms which roll off the tongue quite naturally after 10 weeks of rehearsals for Shepparton Theatre Arts Group’s Fiddler on the Roof.
When I heard there was going to be a sitzprobe on Sunday afternoon I thought that’s funny I don’t remember signing a medical indemnity form.
When I learned the word actually refers to the first rehearsal between singers and orchestra, I was a little disappointed.
Then I heard the phrase proscenium arch being used.
I spent a week on back strengthening exercises to avoid what sounded like a painful acting injury before I realised the word meant the arch separating the stage space from the audience.
Bump in and bump out does not involve any rude dance moves.
It’s simply moving the stage set and equipment into and out of the theatre.
Blocking means choreographing moves between actors.
It doesn’t mean standing on blocks to gain extra height or any type of constipation problem.
Similarly apron, flying, strike and vomitorium.
These are all terms known only to those immersed in the exclusive world of elite theatre.
Now I find myself saying things like “I am going to Sunday’s sitzprobe and then do some final blocking before bump-in through the proscenium” like an old pro.
The backstage world of theatre could also be a mysterious one for the uninitiated.
Here is a dark space broken by whispers and hand signals from people dressed in 19th century pantaloons and bustles shuffling around muttering to themselves.
These are not professional actors used to wearing outlandish gear.
These are teachers, electricians, plumbers, policemen, nurses, financial advisors and lawyers all living for a few moments in a surreal world of make believe.
However, the spell quickly wears off with the familiarity of backstage life.
I once found myself having a very blokey Green Room conversation about the reliability of electric cars on long distance road trips with a surgeon in full make-up dressed as a clock.
Just another night in community theatre.
Fiddler on the Roof has two revolving ensemble casts of primary school-aged girls which has brought a tangible frisson of nerves and excitement to rehearsals even before the show hits the stage.
Last week I walked into the Green Room to look at my script for the 10th time when I was met by a group of young girls sitting in a circle and chattering about the sort of stuff young girls chatter about.
Silence descended as I walked in and began to rummage in my bag for my script.
I paid no attention to them because after all, what does a 68-year-old grandfather have in common with a group of 10-year-old girls?
Suddenly a loud voice asked: “Hey, what do you do in the show?”
I was a bit taken aback.
Obviously, my bad-guy thundering voice of authority had made no impression on them at all.
“I’m the Constable” I said, in my best Hannibal Lecter voice.
“I’m the one who smashes up the wedding and throws everyone out of the village.”
“Oh, that’s when Perchick gets beaten up and kicked. I nearly cried when that happened. You’re really good at being bad,” another young voice said.
I took it as a compliment.
I said “Thanks” with as much of a smile as my Constable character would allow.
I also took it as a reminder that all of us, from bearded old grandads to freckle-faced girls, from tradies to teachers and surgeons, we all have plenty in common – we are all sailing this ship together as crew members on board this mad, life-enhancing bubble called community theatre.
STAG’s Fiddler on the Roof opens on Friday, September 15, at Mooroopna’s WestSide Performing Arts Centre and runs until Saturday, September 23.
Get along to see the magic that ordinary people create before the bubble bursts.
•John Lewis is a former News journalist