Hayden and Sheree Ballinger’s farm is home to a lot more than cows. On a picturesque, isolated out-paddock, the farm also hosts a retreat for parents who have experienced loss. RICK BAYNE reports.
The retreat at Naringal, in south-west Victoria, is the only one of its type in Australia and is giving families a chance to take a breather to cope with their grief.
Hayden and Sheree have personal experience of loss and built the retreat and created the Forever Held Foundation to run it.
They still love making a good living from the farm, but it’s clear the retreat is something special to them, and the hundreds of parents who use it for free.
Sheree and Hayden experienced five miscarriages. Their most recent miscarriage was in May 2018 when they lost Jamin at 18 weeks.
“We had so many layers of grief underneath from our previous losses that the grief hit really hard and I sunk very low,” Sheree said.
“In the months that followed, I would run or walk down this road, often crying. It was my therapy.”
It was during one of those runs that the inspiration for the retreat was born.
The 23-hectare block was the first bit of land they’d purchased in 2009 after returning to Hayden’s family farm.
“It’s a beautiful spot and I had the idea that we could build something for parents who have lost a child to come and stay, grieve and rest,” Sheree said.
“We had a farm and other kids so we just kept going,” Hayden added.
“We would have appreciated a chance to stop, take time out, process it together and support each other.”
“Because we hadn’t taken space after our initial losses, the fifth loss hit so hard,” Sheree said.
“It ground me to a halt for months.”
The Ballingers have five children, aged three to 14, and they are also foster carers, adding to the busy household.
At the time of their last loss, they were nearly 10 years into their farming journey and well into succession planning.
Hayden structured the farm business to be able to fund the building.
“We feel really blessed that we have been given the opportunity to farm,” he said.
“Through that experience, we had a dream and thought: how could we use our business to support the idea?
“The farm gave us scope to borrow and the good milk prices of the past couple of years have allowed it to happen.
“We feel a sense of gratitude for the opportunities we had so now can we give something back.”
The retreat has an open plan with one bedroom, two bunk beds in a separate area if needed, open fire, a stone bath and a journal for people to share their stories.
It is available for people who have lost children from conception to 18 years old.
Since opening last November, the response has been overwhelming. There are often two bookings per week for between two and five days.
Forever Held is a not-for-profit foundation created to run the ongoing facility.
Sheree is joined by Jacinta Lenehan and Fiona Smith, who have also experienced loss, as directors. Neighbours and other family members also help out.
There’s no TV, no wi-fi and minimal phone reception.
“That’s intentional,” Sheree said.
“It’s a chance to slow down — I think there’s a real benefit in allowing yourself to slow down.”
Forever Held now has connections with most organisations that support bereaved parents, and families from across Victoria and interstate have stayed.
“People are really grateful and overwhelmed that a space like this is available,” Sheree said.
“It makes them feel supported in their grief. The loss of a child can be such a hidden, silent pain.
“The guests appreciate that the sole purpose of this place is for parents who have experienced loss. They say there’s a certain sacredness to it.”
The broader block is used for young stock but it’s not a farm stay and there’s no interaction with the cows and calves. However, the tranquil surroundings and nearby creek are ideal for relaxing.
Hayden is a fourth-generation farmer. He returned to the land in 2009 after studying ag science at university and working for the DPI for four years.
The home farm, settled by the Ballinger family in 1939, covers just over 230 hectares and has about half that again in out-paddocks.
With the support of two full-time staff, they milk 540 Jersey cows, carrying on a breed tradition that has been in the family for generations.
“They suit the land and we know how to farm them,” Hayden said.
“They’re producing around 500 kg/MS per cow and they’re only 400kg cows.”
Since returning and entering a successful share agreement and succession plan with his parents Ron and Julie, Hayden and Sheree have been progressive in developing the business.
They installed a new rotary dairy, two irrigation pivots to supplement the usually decent annual rainfall, bought and leased more land, added solar power to the dairy and irrigation dam, built an underpass and planted many native shelter belts.
“We run a relatively simple business and the changes have been all about risk management and what we can put in place to make this farm more resilient,” Hayden said.
“We’ve got a lot of debt but it’s about how we manage that risk. There are things we can’t control but we can manage them.”
They calve from March 1 till the end of April, having gradually brought calving forward from the middle of May to avoid the worst of the cold and muddy winters.
Forever Held relies on donations to help with running costs such as meals, supplies, cleaning and utilities.
Anyone wanting to find out more or to support the program can visit www.foreverheld.org.au
Forever Held Foundation is an endorsed Deductible Gifts Recipient Charity.