“If I wasn’t interested in girls, how would my life be? I would still be in my country, I would still be with my mum and my siblings, my dad would still be good to me and I would still move on with my life,” Mariam Nagawa said.
“But the one decision that I made, that destroyed my whole life.
“We got in a relationship and we were just moving with our hearts, we didn’t know anything about LGBTQI+ or what it stood for, I didn’t know what gay was — it was just being with a person.”
Living in Uganda, Mariam said her life was good — great even.
She was studying, she had good friends, she was being paid to play sport.
Until it was discovered she had a romantic relationship with another woman.
“I wasn’t accepted for who I was, we got taken from school and taken to a small police station, we were there for two days — they were the worst two days of my life,” she said.
“The next day, my mum came and picked me up, bailed me out.
“She told me I had to start being on the run.”
In Uganda, being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is illegal.
Mariam said after her sexuality was exposed to her whole town, she was shunned by her friends and some of her family too, making her unable to live at home.
“During that time, it was the worst because you couldn't just trust someone, you couldn’t stay at people’s places for all that long, especially when they know you're being put in the news, put in articles, that you're being looked for and everything,” she said.
“It was really hard.
“I just didn't know being gay in my community would make me get into such a situation, or something that I wasn't expecting in my life.”
Mariam began experiencing homelessness, without money and being “on the run”, she found herself having to exchange her body for a place to stay.
“I just used it as a means to survive,” she said.
“I used it for me to live, I used it for me to have food, I used it for me to have shelter, for me to just have a place — a corner, at one point I just stayed in a corner for a week.”
After weeks of going from place to place, her mother called her with a plan, she was told to “be ready” and meet her, unknowingly being taken to the airport to flee to a “safer” place.
“We went straight to the airport, she had a ticket, she had my passport, she told me, ‘go, you're going to Australia, don’t stop until you reach Australia and whatever place you go, you’re going to have to start looking for your life’,” Mariam said.
“She gave me a second life, but I had to leave a life behind.”
Mariam arrived at the Gold Coast and met a family who helped her make her way to Melbourne.
Again with no money to her name, she stayed in refuges and found herself once more in a cycle of survival.
“Staying at these places, it — it wasn’t good, so similar things happened to me,” she said.
She said it reached the point where it felt as though the harm didn’t affect her any more.
“Everything happened immediately, everything just happened, but all the time I was just looking for a place to stay, for my life to stop hustling,” she said.
“At this point, I wasn't thinking about survival but I was just thinking about doing what Mum told me, my mum's voice was just going through my head saying, ‘Mariam, you need to find life’.”
Meeting someone through attending a safe haven of church, Mariam was offered a ticket to Shepparton, told she might find a better existence.
While she initially struggled to attain housing, she said she finally found what she was looking for in the Salvation Army’s youth hostel in Kialla: security.
There Mariam began to reclaim her life. She said they gave her a safe place to stay for several months and helped her get a job in the region, to become independent.
Mariam went on to live at the Youth Foyer in Shepparton for two years.
“For two years I did so much — I didn't know how to speak English, I didn't know how to talk to people, I didn't have a resume,’’ she said.
“It was a safe place for me, and when it comes to the LGBTIQ+ community, it's welcome there — I have people that I’m calling family from there.”
While living there, although she had all the things she’d wished for so long, Mariam said her trauma began to affect her mental health.
“It was hard for me, but I started opening up — I had to,’’ she said.
“I thought, ‘what’s happening?’ These things used to happen to me but I never felt bad, but now I looked into my mirror and I was disgusted with my body, my face, everything.
“I wasn’t fine with it but at the same time, I was living my best life, I finally had a bedroom, I had everything coming through ... I was just enjoying life but at the same time, these things were eating me up and I didn’t realise how much it was.”
Mariam began to see a counsellor and confront what she had experienced, opening up gradually.
“I’m a mentor now, so I mentor kids that go through such situations and show them, look, you’re not alone, this happened to me and I’m here,” she said.
Mariam, 25, now works as a support and youth worker and a mentor, sharing her story.
Residing in Australia on a bridging visa, she’s completing study and living independently in her own rental.
She said she hoped to one day become a citizen, and to be able to see her family again.
“At this point, I do have scars on my body, but my heart — it’s something that I have a chance to fix right now. I’m working, I get money and time to connect with my family and especially my mum, but it’s not the same,’’ she said.
“At the age of 20, I started being on the run, started living by myself, but still the worst thing is that I can’t have my mum here with me.
“At the moment it’s just a waiting game.”
If you or someone you know needs support, please contact:
Beyond Blue — 1300 224 636
Goulburn Valley Centre Against Sexual Assault — 03 5831 2343
Lifeline — 13 11 14
∎ Caitlyn Grant and Megan Fisher are opening the conversation with their new weekly column, Let’s Talk. We’re going into Pride Month and would like to share your stories; if you or someone you know has a story, contact caitlyn.grant@mmg.com.au or megan.fisher@sheppnews.com.au