My 2006 Holden Astra journey was always going to end in duct tape.
As a wee tacker, I never imagined anyone could get to the stage where they needed to put duct tape on their car.
What possible series of events could bring you so low as to need to put tape on bits of your car? I thought to myself.
It turns out ‘accidentally driving too far over the front of the concrete header in a car park, leading to the front of your car being pulled slightly away from the rest of the car as you try to reverse and then your car makes a noise similar to stepping on an empty plastic water bottle as it catches on the concrete header and you kind of just want to cry as the bumper kind of doesn’t make that seamless, perfect connection near your headlight anymore’ is the series of events that can bring you so low as to need to put tape on bits of your car.
I know this because it happened to me this week.
Before anyone starts yelling at me, I’d like to say: I’m booking it in to be looked at and the bit of my car with duct tape on it is still very much attached. It’s fine.
Also, I’d like to take this moment to remind people that the next person to ask me about my car is getting yelled at.
Besides, duct tape and I get along quite well — duct tape held together a hiking boot for a good year or so before my mum bought me a new pair for Christmas.
There were no issues there, just like there are none here.
It’s fine.
Well, it’s as fine as a Holden Astra that needs a bit of tape on it can be.
Which, to clarify, is fine.
Everything, dear reader, is hunky dory. I promise. It’s booked in to be looked at just on the off chance it’s neither hunky nor dory. But it is both of those things.
The front didn’t fall off. Well, not entirely. Only a little bit. We got it back on. With duct tape. It’s still good.
Please stop looking at me like that. Stop doing that weird thing with your face where you scrunch it into a ball and start mouthing naughty words. Please. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
It’s nothing a little duct tape can’t fix.