Two tunnels, both alike in dignity, in fair Melbourne, where we lay our scene.
They could well bookend the tenure of Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews, with his election in 2014 on the back of what became a referendum on the East-West Link.
The Coalition looks to be turning this election into a similar referendum on the proposed multi-billion-dollar Suburban Rail Loop.
I’m Melbourne born and bred, but after five years living in the country I’m acutely aware how much focus and money the big smoke attracts come election time.
And, more importantly, how little attention is paid to regional areas.
It’s an ancient grudge, break to new mutiny, where the civil service makes civil hands run through your hair and sigh.
Politically, Opposition leader Matthew Guy has been handed a huge free kick by the government’s commitment to the rail line, which will affect few seats but cost — at this stage — $35 billion.
It’s a massive pot of money that Mr Guy can throw at whatever he wants, and he picked health, which after two years and counting of a terrible, awful, no good pandemic in which everyone had a thoroughly bad time seems an astute choice.
To be optimistic about the intentions, you could say it’s the decision of an Opposition that cares about a health system that had cracks in it before the pandemic began.
If you’re cynical, it’s all about attacking Labor where it is weakest — on a health system it hasn’t fixed in Mr Andrews’ decade-long stint as either Health Minister or Premier.
To be fair to Mr Andrews, Melbourne’s train network is pretty rubbish and needs an awful lot of work to help Melburnians get anywhere.
As someone who no longer lives in Melbourne I’d rather my tax dollars be spent on, say, the Shepparton Bypass, or getting more doctors to regional areas, or a decent train line to Melbourne, but I get why this rail loop is needed.
According to people smarter than me — by which I mean people who can do maths — Melbourne will apparently be the size of London in a few decades and a metropolitan train network funnelling people through the CBD isn’t going to cut it.
It’ll need some form of loop or tube or something to make the whole thing work, but it’s a long, long-term project.
While long-term planning is something that should get more applause than it does, god help the public relations boffins who have to sell a $35 billion tunnel that we won’t see for decades ahead of building much-needed new hospitals.
So, friends, brace yourselves — this tunnel is now the three months’ traffic of our stage.