Gerard Montgomery knew it was time to rethink his footy career when his sister could roost a Sherrin further than he could at age 16.
So he umpired instead.
It’s a classic origin story of whistle blowers and, 399 senior games later, Montgomery isn’t ashamed to say he made the right choice.
“Both my brothers could play and I couldn’t ― I was terrible,” he said with a laugh.
“My sister kicked the ball further than me and that was the end of my career.”
While Montgomery’s brothers Duane and Robbie went on to forge football careers of their own at Mooroopna, he took the untrodden path to become an umpire.
A darn good one too, as this weekend the 39-year-old will run out for his 400th game in green.
He’ll officiate the seniors clash between Shepparton and Mansfield at Deakin Reserve, adding another Goulburn Valley League game to his record to go along with years of service to the Murray, Kyabram District and Picola District leagues since 2000.
And in that time Montgomery has learned a thing or two about the game’s nuances.
“It’s gotten a lot quicker, a bit more free-flowing and obviously the rules have changed a fair bit in the time as well,” he said.
“The tackles have got less and less, you get more reward for doing a proper tackle these days.
“There’s less ‘biffo’ in it I guess.”
Less ‘biffo’ sure, but the back and forth is just as healthy as it was 23 years ago.
Montgomery chuckles when talking about dialogue he’s shared with players, quietly proud of one of his sharper digs at a forward who got his wires crossed when aiming some choice words at him.
“There was one where a bloke was on the field, I must’ve missed a free kick and he let me know,” he said.
“Then he’s gone to line up for goal, it was straight out in front and he’s kicked it out on the full. I said ‘oh we do stuff up a few things don’t we’.
“After that he bought me a beer, it was great.”
The two-way street Montgomery operates on is paved with respect.
After all, he just calls the game as he sees it.
The umpire-player relationship is centred around holding your tongue in cheek, so it’s arguable a sense of humour is almost as important as blowing your whistle at the right time.
“I find as long as you can have a joke with the guys out there they’ll do the same to you,” he said.
“You show them the respect and they’ll show you the respect and that’s how I’ve always umpired.
“You go out there, you’re over the white line and it becomes a game which is what they’re there to play.
“After the game, as long as you can have a beer together and a laugh, it’s all good.”
In more than two decades running the field there’s been a fair few dazzling footballers Montgomery has shared the same air space as.
But when a certain Melbourne superstar landed at Princess Park in 2010, Montgomery was truly in his element.
“I’ve always like it when the ex-AFL players come back and play,” he said,
“When Russell Robertson came back and played for the Swans, that was a bit of a highlight because I’m a Melbourne supporter, so it was nice to umpire him.
“It’s when those sort of guys come back and give to the clubs, it makes a big difference.”
To go along with the Russell Robertson experiences, Montgomery has had his fair share of steep learning curves.
He was a part of an incident on Good Friday years ago where a player count revealed one side had too many players on the park.
It sparked a half-time drama which needed to be addressed. Quickly.
“That was a pretty big one, we learned a few from that, we just officiated as we were supposed to and got on with the job,” he said.
“It’s one of those things, you don’t take it to heart when you’re out there, just enjoying it and blocking the crowd out is how I get through a game.”
Montgomery has also leaned on the experience of Goulburn Valley Football Umpires Association advisor Darren Meeks and the late Greg Sidebottom for encouragement through the years.
He’s copped a few strays and sprays; that’s part and parcel of being an umpire.
But now, Montgomery has a few words of his own for the punters who give their non-refundable two cents from the stands.
“Just get involved; have a crack at it is what I say,” he said.
“People are always clear to judge from the other side of the fence and give you all the advice, but further out in the middle it’s a completely different story.
“You get the best view of the house, that’s what I like about it, and you get paid to do it.”