It’s nearly time - not sure if it feels like two sleeps till Christmas or Judgement Day.
Three months ago, on the five-minute drive home from work, a close friend convinced - forced - me to sign up for a half-Ironman event on the Sunshine Coast.
Having never completed anything more than a charity 12km run during my 23 years of existence, the leap to doing a 70.3 - 70 miles covered across three events - felt like a big one.
However, it seems I underestimated the task compared to my partner and family, who had some doubts - understandable given my chequered history of fitness - about my capacity to be ready for the 1.9km open ocean swim, 90km bike ride and 21.1km run in roughly 90 days.
With the very real concerns of my partner and family pushed as far away from my consciousness as possible, I started the Mission Improbable quest: The journey from 12km to half-Ironman.
Over the next few months, this event has become the central focus of my life, training between four to eight times a week.
While socially, I have been busy “casually” bringing it up in conversations.
“Oh, you have started a new job? That’s funny. I am actually training for a half-Ironman at the moment... (pause for plaudits).”
During the past three months, I have spent many days waking up for early morning swims - the weather sometimes at -3 degrees didn’t help - before enjoying gasbagging with oldies in the sauna.
If any of them read that last sentence, I promise it was meant as a compliment.
I have lost my breath and nearly popped both hamstrings on multiple occasions while sprinting through dark corners, jumping at shadows along the Goulburn River.
I learnt not to mix a bag of lollies and a meat pie during a 60km ride and that the start of the swim in an Ironman event can be compared with an all-in brawl at the pub.
Admittedly, much of my time has been spent trying to make this adventure as cheap as possible by hunting for free gear; does that make me “weasely”?
Yes, but needs must.
Thank you to all the generous folks who have helped me along the way: Lloyd, Janet, Kelvin, Brett, Regan, Bec, Jason and countless others.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t share a figurative tear as I hopped on the standstill bike at the gym for - hopefully - the last time.
Wondering what antics Jeannie and Major Anthony Nelson would be getting up to during yet another episode of I Dream of Jeannie, which plays on the television screens ahead every time I am there.
Sidenote: how is that show from 1965 still shown during prime-time hours?
And how much money have the actors/their families made off re-runs alone; it must be ludicrous.
Anyway, I digress.
The half-Ironman event is now only two days away, just a short hop, skip and a jump to the Sunshine Coast.
The training is now complete.
The equipment bought - well, borrowed.
Now, it is just the simple task of completing the 1.9km swim, 90km bike ride and 21.1km run.
Why did I let this genie out of the bottle?
Time for an expert’s advice...
The final expert I interviewed for my Mission Improbable series was a coach from the Shepparton Triathlon Club, Jason Shields.
Shields had recently returned from a cross-triathlon (effectively an off-road triathlon) in Townsville, and his first piece of advice was to follow the line of, ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’
“You want to have a check-off list,” Shields said.
“I didn’t and I just winged it.
“As an example, we were just in Townsville and we were doing a cross-tri and because it was a non-wetsuit race, I always wear my race bib number under my wetsuit.
“Because we didn’t have a wetsuit, I brought it down to transition.
“I got down to swim and realised, ‘Oh no, I can’t swim with this on’, and had to run back to transition, which was shut, but fortunately, they let me in.”
With a long history in triathlon events and experience coaching beginners like myself to compete in their first 70.3 races, Shields was the perfect person to speak to for advice.
The triathlon coach said he has picked up little tricks of the trade over time, such as saving time by having your shoes already attached to the bike and putting your goggles under your swimming cap to prevent people from knocking them off.
However, Shields said that for first-time ‘half-Ironmaners’, there are two important things to remember: Firstly, pace yourself.
“Go out there with the mindset to enjoy it,” he said.
“If you pace yourself right, you get the best time you could get anyway.
“A lot of people find their first time is their fastest for a considerable amount of time because the distance scares them, so they pace themselves well.
“Once you have a time and start to push it, you just blow yourself up and you never reach that first time which you got because you paced it well.“
The second piece of advice was to stay present during the final part of the race.
He said don’t worry about your time; instead, focus on the experience and celebrate what you have achieved.
“What I tell all the guys is that you only ever get to run down the finish shoot for the first time, once,” he said.
“Don’t try to go five seconds faster and fly down the finish; slow down and enjoy that moment.
“Because that is what we all do it for, the finish line feeling.
“Most people want that finish line photo as well; you don’t have to practice it, but don’t make (the photo) be of you turning off your watch.
“Run through it, enjoy it, put your hands in the air over the finish line, celebrate it and stop your watch 10 seconds later.”