One argument The Boss and I have never settled is this: how is it that I can accept him exactly the way he is — but he can’t do the same for me?
It’s a poor deal for dogs, who offer their humans unconditional love. That requires setting a low bar at times, but we do it, and the humans can’t quite bring themselves to reciprocate.
The Boss shuffles uncomfortably when I raise it, but he is unrepentant. He thinks I require modification in certain respects and, with the arrogance that being Homo sapiens brings with it, he sees no need to forgive his best friend, as I forgive him.
Worse than that, he mocks the whole idea of it. With an evil grin, he showed me this ad on Tuesday for a Dolce & Gabbana perfume. It was no ordinary perfume.
The Italian scent-makers announced their special scent for dogs, named Fefé, saying: “Reflecting Domenico Dolce’s unconditional love for his loyal dog Fefé, this alcohol-free dog scent mist blends fresh and delicate notes of ylang, musk and sandalwood. It’s a tender and embracing fragrance crafted for a playful beauty routine.”
“There you go, General, unconditional love. What more do you want?” he smirks.
“And at a handsome price too — €99 means just $166 (AUD) for a bottle. I’ll buy you some!”
Now he’s sniggering. He knows very well I would run a mile from it. The last thing a dog needs is having its primary sensory detector — its nose — overwhelmed by an artificial scent. We would rather be blind and deaf.
Those “fresh and delicate notes” will destroy any dog’s capacity to engage with its environs as it usually would, figuring out what’s been happening where and when and seeking out anything of interest, especially including something to eat. It’s like The Boss being blinded from reading his newspaper.
The Boss is never going to buy this expensive stuff anyway. He can inflict just as much discomfort with Woolmix and he knows it. Woolmix is his cruel revenge on me for just being a dog, which necessarily includes rolling on the occasional dead carp left on the river bank by some thoughtful angler.
This is what The Boss means by “modifications”. He thinks I should avoid rolling in dead carp and naively believes that repeated doses of Woolmix will eventually do that. But that’s what dogs do. Besides, with the Woolmix comes a warm washdown and a most agreeable towel dry, so it could be worse. Why would I deny it?
Still, he should look past it, in the same way we dogs look past the endless panoply of human failings we must witness every day. Humans will go on killing and betraying each other, getting suckered by scammers and eating and drinking too much, while expecting their dogs to cheerfully adapt to human vanities.
It’s like me expecting The Boss to stop drifting into his own little world, forgetting to feed me. Or expecting ‘The Donald’ to become a caring person, let alone accepting the results of an election. It’s not going to happen. Woof!